What’s wrong with me? 

Why am I so depressed? Why do I keep wanting the complete opposite of what God has given me? Why does it hurt to be with him? Why am I dying on the inside, and knowing that he’s not the one for me? He doesn’t treat me the way I want to be treated. He doesn’t make me feel like I’m someone special. Though everytime I get someone who treats me that way... they end up breaking my heart. So what’s wrong with me? Is this just what I deserve? To be with someone just because we have kids together? I’m so tired of feeling this way. The depression of knowing I’m not happy... but everyone around me is. I’d rather they be happy and me be sad... because my family means everything to me. I just don’t know what to do. I feel so lost. Like why is God letting me be in something that literally brings me to my knees? I’m so tired of being so sad that I need to smoke or drink or take pills JUST to feel better. This isn’t life... this is the way it should be. Please God... help me.