How many times have I been hurt by you? Too many times to count.
When I see you, I feel like you’re annoyed by me. By my being, by who I’ve become. Well mom.. I’ve become you. Maybe even worse.. and when you see me.. it hurts too much because you see the person you never wanted to see. I am you.. and you know how most girls strive to be their mom... well I don’t. I don’t strive to be you, because over and over again, you let me down. You gave up and you focused solely on yourself. What does Kris want, what will make Kris happy? You wanna know how I know this is you?? Because it’s sooooo easy for me to want to be that person too. To just give up and rest. To not care if the world around you is failing, but to wallow in your self pity and ignore the people who depend on you the most. You know how I know I’m not you? Because I fight that... every day I fight. Some days I don’t always win.. I get flooded with hurt and stress and I breakdown.. but the difference between you and I, is I never stop fighting for my kids. I may have been called a horrible mother.. but I owned up to that and changed my ways. I became better and I fought those demons away. I show up.. and I care.. and it may not be a lot.. but it’s something I never got from you. You showed up for everyone else besides me. You gave me away and you stopped fighting for me. I was your little girl.. a little girl who needed her mother. But you just assumed I was taken care of and you gave up on me. I see myself so much in Kaylin, and it reminds me of myself. I can’t imagine that you and I were any different. But I would die before I’d ever turn her away. Kaylin may not have everything she wants.. but she has a mom and a dad who cares for her. We care if she eats and what she eats. We care whether or not she bathed or brushes her teeth. We care whether or not she has clean clothes to wear. I talk to her about things, I help her when she has a problem. I show up for her because she needs me. Just as I needed you.
When I see you, I feel like you’re annoyed by me. By my being, by who I’ve become. Well mom.. I’ve become you. Maybe even worse.. and when you see me.. it hurts too much because you see the person you never wanted to see. I am you.. and you know how most girls strive to be their mom... well I don’t. I don’t strive to be you, because over and over again, you let me down. You gave up and you focused solely on yourself. What does Kris want, what will make Kris happy? You wanna know how I know this is you?? Because it’s sooooo easy for me to want to be that person too. To just give up and rest. To not care if the world around you is failing, but to wallow in your self pity and ignore the people who depend on you the most. You know how I know I’m not you? Because I fight that... every day I fight. Some days I don’t always win.. I get flooded with hurt and stress and I breakdown.. but the difference between you and I, is I never stop fighting for my kids. I may have been called a horrible mother.. but I owned up to that and changed my ways. I became better and I fought those demons away. I show up.. and I care.. and it may not be a lot.. but it’s something I never got from you. You showed up for everyone else besides me. You gave me away and you stopped fighting for me. I was your little girl.. a little girl who needed her mother. But you just assumed I was taken care of and you gave up on me. I see myself so much in Kaylin, and it reminds me of myself. I can’t imagine that you and I were any different. But I would die before I’d ever turn her away. Kaylin may not have everything she wants.. but she has a mom and a dad who cares for her. We care if she eats and what she eats. We care whether or not she bathed or brushes her teeth. We care whether or not she has clean clothes to wear. I talk to her about things, I help her when she has a problem. I show up for her because she needs me. Just as I needed you.
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