I often wonder why we feel so much hurt. Why do we suffer so much and receive so little. The joy in the world comes in forms of jobs and money and homes and all things that really aren't a big deal.
Of course you have marriage, and holidays and engagements and pregnancies to help fill in the gap...but what all ends up happening as you grow, is you feel less and less like a human...and more like a video camera. Watching things as they take place, counting smiles and laughs and breath taking moments. You putty on through until the next thing. Your monogamous life goes by, and you feel less like you. You start to do things differently because your tired of everything being the same. You feel tired and groggy. All the coffee in the world couldn't push past the clouds. You use alcohol as a bandage to make your heart feel less and less...drugs and money cover up what's left. You settle for men who don't really love you, because you don't even know who you are. You struggle with marrige and money, the things that made you happiest become less and less fulfillment in your life. Through all this.. You breathe and breathe, telling yourself that things will get better. Life will get better and you'll be able to sort it out. You have more alcohol, you'll have more pills and more weed. You can continue to numb yourself...and that makes you feel better...but for how long?
Those things may bandage what's broken...but they will never fix you. They will never make you feel better about yourself. Even if you go along with it, because its all that you've ever known...your still lost and hurt and confused because you don't believe in the only thing that's still believing in you.
Jesus has a voice, and its a faint knock on the doors of your heart. You just have to let him in.
Of course you have marriage, and holidays and engagements and pregnancies to help fill in the gap...but what all ends up happening as you grow, is you feel less and less like a human...and more like a video camera. Watching things as they take place, counting smiles and laughs and breath taking moments. You putty on through until the next thing. Your monogamous life goes by, and you feel less like you. You start to do things differently because your tired of everything being the same. You feel tired and groggy. All the coffee in the world couldn't push past the clouds. You use alcohol as a bandage to make your heart feel less and less...drugs and money cover up what's left. You settle for men who don't really love you, because you don't even know who you are. You struggle with marrige and money, the things that made you happiest become less and less fulfillment in your life. Through all this.. You breathe and breathe, telling yourself that things will get better. Life will get better and you'll be able to sort it out. You have more alcohol, you'll have more pills and more weed. You can continue to numb yourself...and that makes you feel better...but for how long?
Those things may bandage what's broken...but they will never fix you. They will never make you feel better about yourself. Even if you go along with it, because its all that you've ever known...your still lost and hurt and confused because you don't believe in the only thing that's still believing in you.
Jesus has a voice, and its a faint knock on the doors of your heart. You just have to let him in.
